Ye Olde Eds
by SurrealKangaroo
Summary: After Eddy suddenly awakes in the Middle Ages, he must prove he's worthy of Princess Nazz's hand in marriage.
1. Chapter 1

"Remind me why we are doing this again," Eddy grumbled as he walked home from school with Ed and Double D.

"Because we need to study for our big history test tomorrow," answered Double D. "I thought there would be the least amount of distractions at my house."

"Why do I need to study when I can just copy from you?" Eddy joked.

Double D took a deep breath and raised a finger, about ready to scold Eddy, but then Ed stuck his head in between them. "You don't need to copy from Double D," he interrupted. "History is easy. You see the kings let the peasants surf on their fields and the nights were slivery…"

"Not quite, Ed," corrected Double D. "The peasants _worked_ as serfs in the fields and the knights practiced _chivalry._ I think you are starting to get it, but we have a long way to go. Hence the study session."

"This stuff is bunk. It happened a million years ago. Why should I care?" Eddy said disgustedly as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. They arrived at Double D's front door.

"Could you at least pretend that you care?" asked Double D exasperatedly. He unlocked his door and they went in. Eddy just grinned smugly.

When they got into Double D's room, he pulled his textbook out of his backpack. "Let's go over the kings of England," he announced. "There was Alfred the Great, and Edward the Elder, and…"

"Ooh, was there Double D the Smart and Eddy the Short?" Ed chimed in.

Eddy cast him a dirty look. "What was that supposed to mean?"

"Not quite Ed…" Double D started. "Hey Eddy where is your text book?"

"I dunno," Eddy said as he threw his hands in the air. "I probably left it on the school bus."

"This is going to be a long night," Double D said to himself as he rubbed his temples.

"I need to rest my eyes a bit," Eddy said as he hopped into Double D's bed. "Wake me up when you get to the part where that dude pulls a sword out of a stone."

"Oh, you are not even putting an ounce of effort into this," Double D scolded. "We have a lot of ground to cover and you are just going to take a nap."

"Yeah, exactly," Eddy said as he closed his eyes.

"Eddy, get up we have work to do." Eddy heard Double D's voice trail off but he chose to ignore him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Eddy, get up we have work to do." Eddy heard Double D's voice again.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't have a cow," Eddy replied while keeping his eyes closed.

"No, that's the issue," Double D answered. "We have a cow but I can't find the milking stool anywhere."

"What the _heck_ are you talking about?" Eddy shouted. He opened his eyes. "What the…" He wasn't in Double D's bed anymore. He was laying on a dirt floor covered in straw. He was wearing old peasant's clothes. Double D was dressed the same way. Eddy started screaming. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Calm down Eddy, it's just a milking stool."

"Where am I?" Eddy exclaimed.

"You're in our living room. Now come on let's go find that stool," Double D grinned. He led a bewildered Eddy outside. There were farm animals everywhere and fields of wheat as far the eye could see.

Just then Eddy spotted Ed standing in the middle of a wheat field. He stood motionless with his arms outstretched, and he had straw coming out of his sleeves and the neck of his tunic. He was perched on top of the milking stool.

"Hey look at lumpy!" Eddy yelled as he pointed towards Ed.

"Oh that's what the stool went," Double D exclaimed. "Now Ed, can you be so kind as to get down from there."

Ed stood there completely frozen. After a while he whispered, "I'm being a scarecrow."

"It looks like you could use a brain," Eddy taunted. He fell to the floor, rolling with laughter when suddenly he was interrupted by the sound of trumpets.

"Oh, my. It sounds like King Rolf has an announcement to make," Double D said gleefully. "Come now!" He pulled Ed off of the stool and grabbed Eddy's arm and started running down the lane.

"King who now?" Eddy asked under his breath. The Eds arrived at the castle. There was a big mass of people in the way so they had to stay behind next to some bushes. Ed got down on his hands and knees and shook the straw off of him like a dog shaking off water. Just then there was more trumpeting. Jonny stood on the balcony blowing into a horn. He was wearing a brightly colored tunic and a large hat with a feather in it.

"Here, ye! Here, ye!" Jonny said to the crowd. "King Rolf has a special announcement"

Rolf came out onto the balcony. He was wearing a large gold and red velvet crown that was studded with rubies, diamonds, and emeralds. He wore a long cape that was lined with ermine fur. He held a gold scepter that was topped with a large sapphire in his right hand. Everyone in the crowd bowed down. Eddy was confused but he bowed anyway. Once everyone was done bowing, King Rolf began: "As you humble peasants know, King Rolf has been awaiting a suitor for his lovely daughter, Princess Nazz."

"Wait did he say Nazz?" Eddy asked.

"Shhh!" Double D scolded.

"Look at this cute kitty cat I found," Ed said holding up a hedgehog. Everyone just ignored him.

"Well," King Rolf continued. "The wait is over!" He pointed off in the distance. Just then a knight wearing black armor riding a black horse came galloping through the crowd.

"Anybody that would like to like to win a chance at King Rolf's daughter's hand in marriage must defeat him in a duel." Rolf cheered. The crowd went wild. The knight removed his helmet.

"Is that…Kevin!?" Eddy exclaimed.

"I am Sir Kevalot of Peach Creek," the knight said. "I have come to seek the princess's hand in marriage. If anybody wants to challenge me, they must speak so now or forever hold their peace."

Back in the bushes, Eddy and Double D stood there silently. "Hey, you never had a chance to meet my kitty cat," Ed said. "Say hi to Eddy, Fluffy." He pushed the hedgehog right into Eddy's backside.

"YEE-OWCH!" Eddy screamed as he jumped about ten feet in the air.

"Oh, oh. King Rolf sees a challenger," laughed King Rolf.

"Good. I like a challenge," sneered Sir Kevalot. "Meet you in the arena at noon." He rode off on his horse.

Eddy sat there bewildered for a few seconds. "Uhh, can someone please explain to me…WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!" he shouted.


	3. Chapter 3

Back at the cottage of the three Eds, Double D was pacing back and forth. Eddy sat in the middle of the floor with a bored look on his face. Ed walked around on all fours sniffing the ground like a dog. After several minutes of pacing, finally Double D asked, "what are you going to do Eddy?"

"What do you mean what am I going to do?" Eddy roared back.

"You have no horse," Double D began.

"I'll just use Ed. He smells like one," Eddy answered smugly.

"Yes," Double D said as he looked off to the side. "I'll think it would be better if you use our cow. You also have no have no practice in jousting."

"Oh, Double D," Eddy called out in a singsong voice. Double D smiled and walked towards him. Just then Eddy pulled a shovel from behind his back and smacked Double D in the head with it. He turned to Ed. "I'm pretty good or what?"

"Does "or what" mean you're going to beat Sir Kevalot?" Ed asked innocently.

"No, it means when Princess Nazz sees me, she's going to think I'm a hunk and marry me on the spot."

Double D stood up, rubbing the back of his head. "I think we all should get to bed. We have a big day tomorrow."

The next morning people were piling into the arena. King Rolf sat on his throne in the middle of the stands. On his right, he had Princess Nazz. She wore a sparkly purple dress and a cone shaped hat with a long tassel. On his left was his minstrel, Sarah. Sarah wrote on her scroll:

 _Kevalot was challenged by a dumb serf named Eddy,_

 _Who clearly was in no way ready._

 _Although the princess made his heart throb,_

 _It is clear that he will be turned into a dork-kabob._

"Oh yes, very good," King Rolf said as he looked over the scroll.

Just then the crowd went wild as Sir Kevalot ran in on his horse. "Hurry up, squire," he yelled behind him. Jimmy came behind him panting, using all of his strength to drag his lance across the ground. "When I win, I hope I get a new squire," he grumbled. Jimmy just passed out from exhaustion.

On the other side of the arena Eddy emerged, riding a cow. "I feel like an idiot," he said to himself. He was wearing armor made from a cauldron and helmet made from a bucket. He was using a fence post as a lance. Double D watched nervously from the side and Ed was nowhere to be seen.

Jonny came out into the middle of the field and blew his horn. "Let the jousting begin!" he yelled.

Sir Kevalot took off on his horse and lowered his lance down. Eddy's cow just stood there. "Move it, stupid cow!" Eddy grumbled. Just then, Ed came running through the side of the arena.

"I found my kitty cat," he cried out, holding the hedgehog from before. "Did you have a chance to meet Miss Moo Moo?" he asked his pet as he pushed it into the cow's side.

"MOOOOOO!" the cow bellowed as she took off running at a breakneck speed. Eddy was screaming and hanging on for dear life.

"Don't watch Plank!" Jonny cried from the sidelines as he covered Plank's eyes. Jimmy woke up and promptly fainted again when he witnessed what was happening. Double D pulled his hat down over his eyes.

Just then, Sir Kevalot's lance got caught on the bell around the cow's neck. The speed that she was running at caused him to pole vault out into the sky and out of sight. Eddy fell off of the cow just as she plowed through the wall and out of the arena.

"What just happened?" Eddy asked as he sat up.

The crowd cheered as King Rolf and Princess Nazz approached Eddy out on the field. "You have proved yourself well, he who is low on the caste system," King Rolf started. "King Rolf gives you permission to marry his daughter!"

"You are so strong," Princess Nazz said as she wrapped her arms around him. Eddy giggled.

Sarah wrote on her scroll:

 _Eddy came riding in on a cow,_

 _And I'm not sure how,_

 _But he sent Kevalot flying._

 _I swear to you that I am not lying._

 _Now the princess is set to wed,_

 _This big dumb blockhead._


	4. Chapter 4

Just then a large shadow loomed over them. They heard the flapping of wings as a giant creature swooped down and grabbed Princess Nazz in its talons and took off. Everyone stood there petrified with fear. Finally, King Rolf yelled, "don't just stand there like a horse with one leg, go rescue my beautiful daughter!"

Eddy just stood there stammering when he heard a voice from behind him. "Here!". It was Jimmy. "Take Sir Kevalot's sword," he said as he tossed a sword at Eddy. "Also have his shield."

"Well isn't that convenient," Double D remarked to himself.

"Quickly now. Make haste! Make haste!" Rolf cried as he pushed Eddy out of the arena. Ed and Double D followed close behind him. Sarah wrote on her scroll:

 _Princess Nazz is going to be turned into a feast_

 _For a big ferocious beast._

 _Hopefully Eddy can be brave_

 _When there is a princess to save._

After marching for a long time, The Eds came to a cave in the side of a mountain. Just then they heard Nazz screaming from inside. Eddy puffed out his chest and ran inside yelling a battle cry at the top of his lungs.

When he got in the cave, he saw Princess Nazz being held in a giant green paw. The rest of the creature was obscured by the darkness. "Prepare to die, dragon!" he shouted triumphantly.

"Oh the only one around here is going to die is you," came a voice from the shadows.

"And the princess too," hissed a second voice.

"Yeah, you're both toast," laughed a third.

"Hey I know those voices," Eddy said to himself. The creature moved itself out of the shadows and it revealed itself as a three-headed dragon, with each head laughing manically. "Kankers!" Eddy hissed.

"We can't have girls more beautiful than us in the kingdom, so we have to destroy them," Marie's head said evilly.

"Hey, you're pretty cute. Why, don't you give me a thousand kisses, and we'll set the princess free," Lee's head said.

"Hey, look!" May's head shouted as she pointed at Ed and Double D with the paw that wasn't holding Nazz. "This knight has back up!"

"I want a thousand kisses from the one wearing the hat," said Marie's head.

"And I'll take the tall goofy one," May's head said. All three heads laughed menacingly.

"Just kiss them already!" Nazz screamed, still being held in the dragon's clutches.

"Uhhhh, I have a better idea," Eddy said, pretending to sound confident. He closed his eyes and threw his sword. He immediately heard a blood curdling scream. He peaked open his eyes, hoping to see a dead dragon, but he saw something else.

"MY HAIR!" Lee's head shrieked. Eddy's sword and grazed past the top of her head and gave her a buzz cut.

"Look May, Lee got a makeover," Marie's head taunted.

"Shut up Marie! Shut up May!" Lee's head shouted.

"I didn't even say anything!" May's head cried.

"You were laughing!" Lee's head scolded.

"Yeah, for good reason!" Marie's head joked.

"Shut up!" Lee's head said.

All three heads continued to yell and fight. In all of the commotion, they accidentally dropped Princess Nazz. As they fought, their serpentine necks started to get tangled. After a while, their necks were completely tied into a knot. "We're hideous!" they yelled in unison as they ran back into their cave.

Princess Nazz threw her arms around Eddy and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Let's go back to the castle!" she said excitedly. As the four of them arrived back in town, the whole castle was decorated for the wedding.

Jonny blew into his horn. "Hear ye! Here ye!" said in a regal voice. He threw his horn behind him. "It's time for Eddy and the princess to get hitched!" he yelled casually. Sarah wrote on her scroll:

 _The time for the wedding has come._

 _I wish she wasn't marrying someone so dumb._

 _I hope this wedding isn't dull._

 _I want something to write on this scroll._

Eddy saw Nazz come out of the castle. She was wearing a wedding dress and a vail that covered her face. "I love you Princess Nazz," said Eddy.

"Now it's time for a kiss," she replied. Eddy leaned forward and removed her veil. He let out a scream.


	5. Chapter 5

"AAAAAHHHH!" Eddy screamed. In his horror, he saw that Princess Nazz's face had morphed into Ed's.

"Give me a kiss," Ed's face said as he puckered up his lips.

"AAAAHHHH!" Eddy continued to scream. Suddenly he woke up in Double D's bed with Ed leaning over top of him.

"See I told you kissing him would wake him up," Ed said cheerfully. Eddy sat up and started dry heaving.

"If you are referring to _Sleeping Beauty,_ Ed, that's a very astute connection to make," Double D said. "That was a staple of Medieval literature." He turned to Eddy. "Now that you are awake, why don't I quiz you."

"I don't need no stinking quiz. My subconscious knew everything. Catch you later," Eddy said as he ran out the door.

"I'm sure he's going to fail," Double D said flatly as soon as Eddy got out of earshot.

"As sure as Beowulf wasn't a werewolf?" Ed asked.

A huge smile spread across Double's D's face. "At least I was able to get through to someone today!"

The next day, The Eds were walking home from school. Eddy was grumbling under his breath, and he wadded up a paper and threw it at the back of Double D's head. "What was that for?" Double D asked.

"That idiot teacher gave me an F," Eddy snarled.

"No, you earned an F," Double D corrected.

"Oh, shut up Sockhead," Eddy said. "He marked every question wrong. Like in question #1 when it asked what is the main job of a knight, I wrote saving hot babes from dragons and he marked me wrong. And there was that other question about what was a herald and I said a bald-headed kid that says 'here ye' a lot, but I guess that wasn't good enough for him."

Double D just buried his face into his hand and groaned. "You know with your ignorance, you would fit in just perfectly in the Middle Ages."

"Oh, Double D," Eddy called. Double D turned to him. Just then Eddy pulled a shovel from behind his back and hit him in the back of the head. He turned to Ed. "Some things are just timeless, isn't that right Lumpy?"

"Can I be a scarecrow?" Ed asked innocently.

"Shut up, Ed."


End file.
